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Africa, Asia, life, reflection, thoughts, Travel, vegetarianism, writing
Over the past few weeks I have seen a famous Oscar Wilde quote more times than I can count – “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” This quote seems to be somewhat of a universal reminder during the times I question, or more appropriately others help me to question, my life path.
Through efforts of being a more compassionate, loving, and open human being, it seems the floodgates have also opened to the human emotions I am attempting to keep at bay – emotions like judgment and condemnation. These emotions manifest in different ways and at different times, but lately seem to be most present in the themes of lifestyle choices and vegetarianism.
I have been a vegetarian for ten years, since the age of 18 after reading a Moby insert to an album in which he poetically discussed the harmful and ethical impacts of eating and wearing animals. I was so profoundly moved that I instantly gave up meat. Over this time, I have done my best to remain open to other’s lifestyle choices should they choose to live differently and to be aware of dogmatic tendencies – which we are all capable of. The guide in which I try to follow is what today, now, makes me feel morally okay to exist on the planet and that today means my efforts to do no harm against my brothers and sisters – which in my mind includes much more than the human species. Others feel okay about living on the planet in different ways.
Over ten years of being vegetarian, I have faced many questions, curiosities, and judgments, particularly in places like Africa where meat is the main staple and it is an elite thing to be something like a “vegetarian”! I am more than conscious of this and have questioned my own motives for the choices I have made, particularly in places where food is a daily struggle. Conversely, I have faced praise from Asian people “oh you are a good girl, pure vegetarian.”
As of late, the phrase I quoted above has been acting as somewhat of a test. For example, a close family member – upon my statement that I would be happy to sit down to a lovely prepared meal but that I would not eat a chicken dish – told me I was not welcome at the dinner table. My choices of “do no harm” seemed to have done harm to someone else’s way of being. Furthermore, I saw a naturopath who mentioned I may have low cholesterol due to my years of vegetarianism. She suggested I just go right ahead and eat ethically prepared liver to boost that cholesterol right up. Of course, why had I not considered that alternative?
The point is, the moment we attach ourselves to a fixed idea or a certain way of being, no matter how noble or worthy we think it is, the moment the universe will challenge our philosophies. The key, I have learned along the way, is to believe in the quote “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken” but to be open and willing to learn from the messages others bring, no matter how wild or judgmental they may seem. To be self-reflective is one of the greatest gifts of all.
Here is a quote that I thought very appropriate to the theme I am discussing. Do my fellow seekers out there have any thoughts or comments on this theme?
“We have two alternatives: either we question our beliefs – or we don’t. Either we accept our fixed versions of reality- or we begin to challenge them. In Buddha’s opinion, to train in staying open and curious – to train in dissolving our assumptions and beliefs – is the best use of our human lives.”
Great read. Questions i have had to face of late. Being vegan for almost ten years has left me with pernicious anemia. I was advised to be non vegetarian, reflected and decided against it. Its good to keep evolving and ask questions. Health is important but so is life. All life.
Hi pinkybinks, I hope you are doing well and adjusting (but not too much) back to Western life. Thanks for your comments, and yes, I agree with you, all life is important 🙂 Glad to hear you have had similar experiences along the way. Take care.
Thank you for this post. I also am facing great challenges in my own self-perception. Through years and years of trying to understand myself, I have learned that one of the only consistent beauties I find is in the journey for self-betterment. That requires just what you said…constant curiosity and a willingness to adapt your ideologies as new knowledge comes your way.
Hi!!! Thank you for your honesty and for reading the post. It’s nice to connect with people who are on similar journeys and who are willing to open up about their own processes. Self-betterment is perhaps the journey itself, with filler along the way 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. Love and light!!
Hello dear Sara!
The challenge every vegetarian faces! The little drama around the dinner table reflects one of the basic dilemmas of our journey: do you adjust or affirm?
The vegetarian issue is really typical as it embodies
(i) some of the most basic common sense about living in harmony (being vegetarian);
(ii) some of the most basic attachments people have (we must eat the same food if we are sitting around the same table and if you don’t eat it means you don’t love me, dont respect me, etc) and
(iii) the questions whether we should just give up our values to make other people happy.
I am also vegetarian since 25 years and it has allowed me to learn so much about what motivates human relationships …
… and yes, questioning beliefs and ready made ideas.
It seems to me that there is a third term to the question: there is ‘my belief; there is ‘your’ belief and there is Reality and basic common sense.
I have spent a lot of time working with that to solve the conflict between those two opposites.
In the case of being vegetarian, beyond my and your belief, there is the fact that
(i) eating meat is the cause of suffering,
(ii) there is a difference between what my friend cooks and what my friend ‘is’ and (iii) we should have the basic wisdom, as human beings, to be able to sit around the same table n peace whilst eating different kinds of food or holding different world views in our head. Love has little to do with that ultimately.
We do have to learn and yes, curiosity is the mother of intelligence, enthusiasm, creativity and love but our subject is reality, not belief. Easy to say.
There is another thing that has really amazed me when I discovered it: that we have, inside our own conscience, an equivalent of the most fundamental process of life: that equivalent is common sense.
Life operates mainly through cause –> event –> consequence and common sense does exactly the same: cause –> event –> consequence. and this is why we can figure things out: because the pattern between external reality and our consciousness is the same. Otherwise, we would not understand a thing! So I try to follow that one – common sense. It includes knowledge but mostly intelligence (the ability to perceive causes and consequences) and love: the ability to go for what is most beneficial for all.
Oh … I talk too much again!
I wanted to share something else about this triangular model, something related to love but its already too much!
Let’s see if your next post allows me to do it!
Brotherly love!
Hello there brother, wow, a great reply, really touches the core of the issue. Thanks for sharing this and for spending the time to give your own perspective on the subject. Isn’t this the truth : “(i) eating meat is the cause of suffering,
(ii) there is a difference between what my friend cooks and what my friend ‘is’ and (iii) we should have the basic wisdom, as human beings, to be able to sit around the same table n peace whilst eating different kinds of food or holding different world views in our head. Love has little to do with that ultimately.” Regardless of how others treat us and our choices, these are basic principles to live by. Being vegetarian, to me, is a matter of common sense and it’s a matter of basic humanity. But I would never ostracise someone for not living by my choices or rules, that is the type of attitude that breeds conflict and ultimately war. So I suppose the next topic is love…Talk soon. Love and light my friend.
Hi Sister, yes, the next topic is love – or was it the first one? Happy to receive your reply – yes, talk soon.
I liked this reply a lot. I always call myself a non-preaching vegan. I will fight against animal abuse and exploitation and for me that is in large part through being vegan, but others might choose another path to fight for the same goal. Also, I wanted to share something that my mother has had taped to her bathroom mirror for as long I can remember. It relates to what you said about knowledge and intelligence. It reads: KNOWLEDGE IS KNOWING THE STREET IS ONE WAY. WISDOM IS LOOKING BOTH WAYS ANYWAY.
Cheers. 🙂
Perfect quote!!! Thank you for sharing this. I will post it on my own wall 🙂
😉
Oh, I like this kind of thinking a lot! Many thanks for sharing it. All best wishes to you!
Hi – Thanks for visiting my blog which in turn lead me to reading your great blog. I have been vegetarian for the whole of my life, my dad having brought us up as such and Im now bringing my children up as vegetarians. I can never ever imagine eating meat, i feel it is morally and ethically wrong for me and my family. I can’t believe you weren’t welcome at a table for choosing not to eat meat that makes it really hard for you. My partner’s family are hugh meat eaters, eg they couldn’t have a meal without meat, this has lead us to having to sit in places were vegetarian food basically isn’t served and we have ended up with bread or chips for a meal – its really makes me mad, both at the restaurant and at his family who would never consider this to be awkward for us in any way. I sometimes feel lke saying lets all go to a vegetarian restaurant but i know everyone would just say no and they would have a majority in this. Anyway i enjoyed reading your thought provoking blog and good for you for giving up meat. jo
Hi Jo,
Wow, thank you for returning the read and for sharing your personal experience with vegetarianism. It can be a really tough one with family and friends, especially when a meat centred diet is what is catered to and us vegetarians are left feeling uncomfortable and apologetic. There is a lot of ego that revolves around food and meat, particularly with men. Perhaps in time this will change, one can only hope. But until then, I suppose the lesson is making sure our own egos don’t get in the way and trying to stand our ground firmly with a smile 🙂 Good for you for sharing those morals with your family and sticking to them.
thankyou – I shall x 🙂
Sara
I remember when your uncle Sean told us he was not eating meat anymore. I said (because i was 15 and knew a lot)..wellll. you’ll never make any muscle!
He said..what about cows? Hmmff, I had no answer.
In truth you do need to check your food intake to make sure you get what you need. I can help with that cause I’m so freaking smart and its my business.
As for eating or not at the dinner table, don’t bother with that.
Eat your meals with God.
Hahaha oh Jamie, you are so genius and I need all the help I can get. Best advice: “eat your meals with God”, in fact do everything with God. Lots of love. xoxoxo
And remember what Einstein said:
“Great spirits have always encountered violent oppostion from mediocre minds.” –
— Albert Einstein
Whenever I know my heart is good and being to feel guilty about potentially harming others, I remember this guilt is not my own…in fact, I am only creating it and have the choice to continue or to stop. I think sometimes we can get into a morbid pattern of accepting guilt and it starts feeling like pity for some reason. But, if we can freely admit that we have experienced real hurt at the hands of another, then we can release the hurt and refuse any guilt that follows.
I was inspired to comment like this. I hope that you don’t mind. And, thank you for generating thought…I believe that your efforts are helpful to others.
Hi Iconicallyrare, thank you for commenting and for sharing you perspective 🙂 I don’t mind at all, that’s what these posts are all about, open discussion. I very much agree with you on the idea of getting caught in guilty feelings and being aware that those feelings do not drive our actions. Thanks again for sharing.
From my perspective people who refuse to change and evolve don’t enjoy life much. Considering how much many of my beliefs have changed in just the past 2 years, I can only imagine what events will happen to cause other of my beliefs to change. Evolution is a part of life on this planet.
My great grandfather was wise enough to see how many of his beliefs about the world had changed just from age 80 to 100. That has always amazed me and made me think. I like having an open mind. Some beliefs have never changed, but I count my blessings for the ones that have.
Hi impower you, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I like your take on the post and it’s true, life would be really really boring if we weren’t open to adapting with it. It’s welcoming the change that makes things interesting. Blessings to you!
Blessings to you as well. Keep up the great writing.